One more Chance!

Posted by cardboard hogs on January 4, 2017

I have a stack of cards in front of me that have a story that needs to be unearthed, something that can connect the pieces of card stock together in a nice little cycle of like kinda way. I just don’t know what that story is yet. I got foil cards. I got celebrity cards, I got guys with turkey necks and a guy that took a barbecue sauce bath, and some cards that are called Fire but look like Chihuly glass…guess it was fired glass…semantics i guess. Let’s start with the celebrity stock of First Pitches.

Two rappers, one is The Rapper…Chance that is. The other is Warren G. If you have been reading my words the past few years, you are fully aware of my affinity towards the rap music and culture. I’m pretty critical with my rap music though, almost a snob…yes, you should call it a snobbish attitude. I love lyrics and great storytelling. Guys…and Gals…that can paint a picture with their words in a seemingly quick or witty manner. The two guys above do that, although in all honesty, i can’t say i’m a fan of either. The reason for me? Their voice. Guru from Gangstarr had a song “Mostly the Voice” that clearly explained that its mostly the voice that we love or hate about a rapper. Now, he did go on to explain that the lyrics are critical as well, but in his opinion…it’s mostly the voice, and i agree with these two guys. Both Chance and Warren G have very distinctive sounds to them and are incredible story tellers. One of Warren G’s biggest hits was a terrific narrative of the wild life of an inner city Regulators, but the voice though…couldn’t handle it, plus it was the kind of laid back west coast music i wasn’t really in to back then. Now, Chance is one of those new rappers and i’m an old guy, so part of my distaste for his sound is that i’m not sure i truly get his metaphors. Seems like a great kid, positive kid trying to do some great things and share his stories…just not something i’m really in to yet. Possibly haven’t given it a good enough listen, I just struggle with him. Plus he’s in Kit Kat commercials and gettin’ down with so many different stars on my television set and internet machines. Seems like a lot of success came quick for him, too quick. I’m sure he’s been grinding at his craft for a while…but too much too soon for me to be a believer.

Speaking of quick success, Aubrey Plaza. Came on the scene out of nowhere with her popular character in the comedy series Park and Recreation (April Ludgate) who might have been the quintessential apathetic employee…that’s what the backside of this card said about her. Think that’s pretty appropriate. I had never heard of her until the Parks and Rec show that i watched for Nick Offermans’ character, Ron Swanson and the lovable Amy Poehler. I feel like Aubrey is one of those actors/actresses that doesn’t really ACT! but rather ends up playing the same person in each role that is really her in real life like Vince Vaughn or Michael Cera. She’s cute, awkwardly funny and somewhat edgy i guess. I must admit that her glove seems excessively large for her scale of human being. A smaller glove may have been in order for her big first pitch opportunity. Wonder if she could borrow another one?

Here are those Fire cards i was talking about earlier, not really sure how i feel about these inserts. Maybe if the card stock was thicker and possibly shinier, shiny is good sometimes, then i might be all in. I’m definitely all in for Griffey and McCutchen.

Griffey and Cutch appear to be in a flaming cauldron and trying to swing their way out to a burning hell. The Cutch card should be a Steelers card. Meanwhile the two Dodgers i pulled are emerging straight out of a pit of propane and butane, or more poeticly, emerging from the latest experimental Chihuly sculpture. Either way Maeda is feeling the effects of those flames coming in as hot as blue blazes!!! (my grandma would have been so proud of me for getting that one in, miss you Winn!)

We’re about to go from fire to foil, just like a night over the grill. (Really wished i pulled a Jason Grilli foil card, would have made that transition solid gold). I will settle for this quote though from the back of Pat Deans’ card “the cunning southpaw soaked up a barbecue sauce shower after beating Felix Hernandez for his first win”. So foil, grilling, BBQ sauce, Pat Dean:

You readers at home are just going to have to trust me in regards to the foil on these guys. It’s there, you can’t see, but trust me, it’s there.

The next card was a pretty cool pull, a Cubs team card black and white reverse negative SP card…wait, It’s a Jake Arrieta card…wait, it’s a Jake Arrieta no-hitter card…wait, it’s a damn checklist. Damn!!! It’s also a very demonic appearing David Ross.

Moving on to the next group of cards. Serial numbered foil cards with perforated screen print and a running 2016 Topps banner…these cards have it all…everything on one card. If it had a snowflake/snow flake (forgot to look that up today…) it would have been over the top though. The thing that struck me about this trifecta of National League East pitchers was their turkey neck poses. I wonder how many players get excited to see their cards in a pack and pull…

THIS!

OR THIS!

OR THIS…!!!

Actually, i can’t really see Bartolo Colon ever caring about his image on a card, seems too carefree for such frivolities. That glove…he should let Aubrey Plaza use that if she ever tosses out the first pitch for the Metropolitans.

I have a few more cards to post, the hits you know. Gotta wait for those tomorrow though. Kinda happy with the little success i had with those three cards…not a bad bunch. Nothing ground breaking, but nice no less.

Hope you guys have a great evening.

Here’s a video from one of the greatest storytellers in rap and a no doubt classic. From 1988!!!

We’re all snowflakes…

Posted by cardboard hogs on January 3, 2017

I grew up in Texas and snow is not a normal thing for me. When i was 9 we had a huge blizzard in San Antonio, 14″ to be exact. It was absolutely nuts…as a kid though, fantastic! It was a freakish event that i will never forget. Rafik and I missed a couple days of school and had the greatest time ever. We watched Chris Marrou tell us about the school closures and hoped it would never end! Our days were filled with bags of sugar to fuel the moments in between epic snowball fights and a rudimentary snow man construction site. It was the greatest of times for every kid in town.

When we were able (forced) to go back to school, our classrooms had so many leaks that we were huddled en masse in the schools gym. A very large, crowded and noisy gym. A gym on the edge of child anarchy. It was one conch away from being a snowy version of Lord of the Flies. The teachers were on edge trying to keep us all in line for the couple of days. We were being taught in a prefabricated building not suited for long division or lessons on social studies. But they did it and they were the real MVP’s that week.

But now…

I’m a tall adult that likes collecting things like cards and books and also likes rap music. I also like familiarity and something i can depend on…surprises don’t work well for me. For the last month or so, my part of Portland has had 3 different weekends of snow…g’darn freakin’ snow!!! Now, don’t get me wrong, snow is cool when you go to it and are able to look at it and touch it. But when it comes to you as an unwanted guest, it’s a bit of an annoyance. We haven’t have had a ruler lengths of snow, but enough to shut the city down a couple of days and keep me from work. It’s also made my snow driving (sliding) skills ratchet up a tick or two.

All the snow that i was surrounded by made me cave and pick up a box of cards with snow flakes on them. Subliminal marketing. Well done Topps, you got me. Now, let’s see what you gave me Topps.

One of the first things i noticed about these cards is the streaking on the card fronts. Half of the cards in the blaster box contained the streaking. Maybe the other bloggers have already touched on this and as usual, i’m late to the party, but it seems that the quality of these cards may have been left to be what they are. Not super upset about it, but a little disappointed with these…especially the Kershaw card.

16-th-nick-castellanos

Another thing that was very noticeable is the large amount of white space, most notably on the landscape cards. Guess that’s the Topps blizzard parallel…? Seems like a little gradient or transparency could have been a savior for Nick’s card.

These cards were awesome in their original issue and Ricky Bones seems to be dressed appropriately for this card, while Mike Trout is attempting to catch a tiny little snowflake. Is snow flake one or two words? snowflake snow flake…

16-th-ra-dickey

Dickey Flakes should be a cereal, f’real.

Please let me digress a bit here. Not sure if you have heard of Krampus, I hadn’t until about two weeks ago. He’s an incredibly evil Germanic character created to scare the shit out of bad kids…to be honest, i saw a video of him and was a tad scared. We used the Krampus tactic over the holidays to keep our little snowflake/snow flake in line. For the most part it worked…but i feel guilty about it in hindsight. I would point out the window, similar to what Carlos Correa is doing and say “I SEE KRAMPUS!!” and my child of 51 months would run off terrified, similar to what Jed Lowrie is doing. The things parents do to get done what they want to get done the way they want it to get done. Not my best parenting story…but sadly, it yielded the result i was looking for.

We now begin the bumpy snowflake portion of the blog post with a couple winners. Dexter and Kris. It’s a shame Ernie Banks didn’t get to see these guys win the title. RIP #14.

If the card on the right was Steve rather than Nori Aoki, the hair on this pair would be most epic. But it’s just Jacob and Nori.

My game used memorabilia card was Adam Jones which is pretty cool. I really like Adam and often wonder what his career would have been like if the Mariners kept him..also wonder what the Mariners could have done with his dependability over the incredibly fragile and unreliable Erik Bedard…hindsight is 50/50 man..

So that’s my highlights from a Wal-Mart box of snowflake cards. Rumor has it we may get some more snow in the next few days up here, climate change ain’t no joke…remember that we are all snowflakes/snow flakes and nobody is like us…even though those Adam Jones cards are pretty much the same thing.